No Expectations

Ok. Here it is. This is the secret weapon for making a great relationship. Works with husbands, wives, kids, family, neighbors, groundhogs, squirrels and rabbits.
No expectations. Hope, but not expectations. Seriously. As men, we notoriously assume everyone will respond certain ways to certain actions. We communicate slightly better than cavemen. Grunt, sniff, grunt. Right? We build up expectations and get stressed out when they don't happen. Try this and see if it works. I will list some scenarios, what logically should happen afterward?
You wash dishes without being asked, your wife should......
You change the oil, brakes, wipers, etc. on her car, she should......
You take her out to a fancy restaurant for her favorite dinner, she should......
You open the car door for her, she should.....
You paint the entire house whatever color she wants, she should.....
You buy her a Ferrari, she should......
Let me make it easy for you. Take the "she should" off every sentence. If you even tried to finish those sentences, you are living with expectations. We do those things for our wives because we love them, not because we want it to cause something to happen.
If you tried to finish them, I can assume your marriage is struggling in a few areas. I would bet money you rate the relationship higher that she would on a scale of 1 to 10. Without being psychic, I could probably describe a lot of things in the way you both communicate.
I am not bashing you. Calm down. Keep reading. This was probably the single most powerful thing I learned during three very hard years. No expectations. Give her the grace to respond whenever and however she wants. If she chooses to avoid a response altogether, accept it and move on.
During the worst part of our crashing marriage, she refused to acknowledge anything I did for her. Washing cars, painting the house, the weekly gifts, the glass of ice water by the bed for her every night, the special dinners. Nothing. She was mad at me and refused to give me any encouragement. I deserved it. I know. I was a jackass. But, it worked. Not on her, on me. It took the pressure off of me. It changed the rules completely. I was not performing and looking for my applause. I wasn't making deposits in an account I couldn't withdraw. I was learning to love my wife by choice. I was learning to love her even if she didn't love be back. I was getting smarted. I was understanding an aspect of Christ that never made sense to me. He died for a pack of backstabbing losers who did nothing to save him. He gave up unlimited power and freedom to love us and do what was best for us.
That's the real goal anyway, to be Christlike. He loved us before we loved him. So, love your wife no matter how she responds. Put on the big boy pants and man up. No pouting.
It will not change you or her overnight. It will change you long before it changes her. But it will.
Now I have to work on applying this to my kids. Especially the teenager.