Monday, March 25, 2013

Stop touching her

Seriously. Stop it. Talking about your wife. Yep. Stop it, now. Why? Because most of us guys are doing it wrong. Most guys... See most women... Just like the menu at Kentucky Fried Chicken. Legs, thighs, breasts, etc. not all of us, just most of us. Is there any chance that a self respecting woman wants to be seen like that? Especially from the most important man in her life? They deserve better. We can do better,  if we want. But, we have to want to.
Have you ever given her a back run, foot rub, massage, deep kiss or long hug without a slight nudge towards "something more?" Have you ever run a hot bath for her, poured a glass of wine, or just been intimate like that without expectation? Try it sometime. It will freak her out. I was the worst. Every time I got close enough to touch my wife, I did. Usually with minimal respect. Groping doesn't count as health touching. I have learned to do better. She appreciates it. She told me. Now that she trusts me again, she tells me lots of stuff. Women will tell you how to take care of them if you listen.
Which opens another can of worms. Do you listen? Most of us suck at all this stuff. The touchy feely stuff. It's not hard to figure out. Conversation, letting her coach you on being the "man of her dreams," making the effort. You can do it. Think of it like playing catch. All the great counselors know this one. She says something to you and you respond. Don't use yes and no for answers. Give your answers some thought. She's throwing you a pass, you are catching it. You turn it around, take aim and throw it back. Then repeat the process. She needs it. Turn yourself towards her. Give her your full attention. Make her the center of your world. It will feel phony and awkward at first but, with time, it's completely natural. This works with your kids, too. Try it.
The other touching issue you need to understand is the draining kind. Do you hug her for your benefit or hers? Are you offering comfort and support or taking it? My wife told me, before, that when I hugged her it felt like I was sucking the life out. I was just giving affection to get it back. I wanted her to do the mommy thing. Just make it all better after a bad day or experience. I was using her. I was taking, not giving. There is a big difference. Just keep it in mind. Make the effort to communicate, touch the right way and hug the right way. The changes in your marriage are worth it.

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