Been thinking about some of the greatest idiots I have met over the years. Some were as bad as me, some were worse. I think my only advantage was in only thinking and doing stupid stuff. Some guys brag about it.
Let me introduce you to the King of the Rednecks. I spent most of my life in Georgia. Born in Atlanta. By most definitions, I probably qualified as a redneck, no problem. While living in rural Georgia, I met the king of the rednecks. Somehow, he was a friend of a family member. They worked together, I guess. He was a normal redneck by most accounts. Multiple dogs roaming the yard, more than ten acres of land, more than ten minutes from town, more than ten cars in the yard, only one runs, double wide trailer, etc. Normal redneck stuff. He was loud and obnoxious. Drank a lot. Liked to wear overalls with no shirt under them. But, he was special. This guy thought he was king of the world. He had everything figured out. Everything in his world made sense to him. All those junk cars; his cars. All those dogs; his dogs. All that land; his land. All those rowdy, stinky kids; his kids. That timid, lonely woman in the kitchen; his wife. He was in control. He was the man. He made the rules. He was in charge. Got the picture?
We visited his house once. Just once. After more than enough of his opinions and expert advice, he offered up the crown jewel of his wisdom. Wen someone made a comment about his wife taking care of all his stuff, he said it. "The only thing I need a woman for, is to grease my pole." His words, not mine. He announced to everyone that her only value in his life was to satisfy his sexual needs. A man like that is probably more than qualified to handle that by himself, too. Probably won't be long before he has to.
I can't even explain what it felt like to hear that. What was her life like? It wasn't enough that he was a complete jackass, he was bragging about it! I want to take a few minutes to think about their relationship. Guys and ladies. Be honest. Was it a always like that? Would any American female freely agree to marry that guy? Nope! Because when they got married, he wasn't completely stupid like that. He evolved into that ape over time. I am sure there were warning signs, but she apparently overlooked them. Not saying it's her fault, just wish she had taken an honest look at this guy before the wedding. Her life would have been better with anyone else. So, what do you think happened?
They met somewhere. School, work, church... Who knows? He probably thought she was a pretty little thing. She probably thought he was cute, or handsome, or charming. Doubt she thought he was an abusive jackass. Not many dates happen after that first impression. He had to ask her out at some point. They had to spend some time together. Had to meet friends and parents at some point. A wedding was planned and then it happened. They bought land, set up a house, made a life. Had sex, had kids, became parents. Then they got dogs, junk cars, broken and rusty crap everywhere. He became an abusive drunk, she got fat and miserable. Then they lived happily ever after. The end. Right?
I wish I could tell you a simple answer why a woman puts up with all that. There's a lot of reasons that make sense to them. Mostly fear of something. My wife put up with a lot for a long time. I thank God daily that she gave me enough time to grow up a little. I am very thankful that she is still here. But I also know this. Until my world was rocked by her leaving me, I had no reason to change. I was really not much different from him. Different conditions, similar attitude. Just keeping her around for my benefit.
<a href="http://bestmarriage.com">Joel and Kathy Davisson</a> teach abusive husbands how to get past it and save their family. They taught me. Saved my family. One thing they taught was hard to face because it was all me. Abusive husbands always start out as rescuers and heroes. I don't think I can explain it as well as they can. Hit their site, they are better at the counseling than me. They said that in almost every abusive marriage, the wife had a rough life and the husband swooped in to save her. He became her way out. He was going to make it all better. He became superman to her.
I did it. My wife had a rough life. Pretty much every bad thing girl could ever deal with happened. Daddy left when she was little. Mom fighting for survival with two little kids. Mom ends up with one super loser after another, most are abusive to her and the kids. Things are ok for a while, things are awful for a while. She went through things I can't even talk about. People hurt her. Then I came along. We became friends, best friends. We did everything together. We had fun. Got married, got houses and jobs and kids.
Somewhere along the line, I got some bad ideas. I got ambitious, just trying to do better for the family. Work more, gone more. Then my work had to matter, had to be something I enjoyed doing. The work became the focus, the career was what mattered. I had to prove myself and my worth to the whole world.
Then, we got caught up in a sacred church tradition. ( yes, I am going there right now. ) We got under the traditional teaching about the submissive wife. Now, the bible has a lot to say about relationships and marriage. But, this particular teaching told us that I was the boss and she was to just follow and support me. Even though I didn't know which way was up or have and business sense at all. Even though I was clueless about almost everything. Even though I had never learned anything functional about a solid family. My wife was taught to blindly follow and support me. Which she did. She was the strong one. I would have never supported her the way she supported me. She put up with more crap from me every day that I ever got from her in a lifetime. The submission message is meant for mutual submission. We listen to each other, take correction from each other, care for each other, put each others need before ours. That's what it was meant for. Not turning our wives into mindless doormats. I will cover that in detail soon.
So, king redneck. Can you imagine how their life together started? Can you imagine how it transformed? Did we learn anything about ourselves today class? Our family is our priority. Not the job or the stuff. The family. Your wife doesn't exist to serve you. You have a wife because you were someone she wanted to be with. You made some promises and commitments to her. You planned to spend your life together. That woman is what matters. Making life good for her is what matters. That's your first job. Everything else is just support for the family. Not the priority. If you have become a man like king redneck, it's time to change. Time to become the man she wants again. Get busy.