Just love her

Just got through another soapbox session. Honestly, not trying to be self righteous or claim to have all the answers. Just know a few things that are absolutely right. Loving your wife whether or not she responds is one.
I just read some great articles on another bloggers site. It was about 25 ways to show your wife you love her. ( check it out ) good stuff. It linked to another article for wives. And it led to another soapbox session.
The article is amazing. If you are a married man, go read it. If you are any man other than a celibate monk, go read it. I had to comment, not really good at keeping my mouth shut.
My commentary was something like this.

I just read the similar articles for husbands, all good stuff. If I can jump on a soapbox for a minute, I would like to add something.
In the grand design of creation, relationship is the foundation. God created us because He is love and wanted someone to love. All throughout the New Testament marriage is compared to salvation. Christ loved us before we loved Him. He gave up everything to do what was best for us.
For a Christian marriage to work the way God designed, it has to be the same. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, His bride. Our wives are designed to respond to what is given to them. Men are designed to give to them. Give them a house, they make a home. Give them your love, they give it back magnified. Even in the physical sense, they give us families.
My point? Every man lives in the marriage he has created. You wife responds to the love, or neglect, or abuse, or whatever by giving it back. Love her first. Do good for her first. Eventually, she will desire to do all these things for you. Doing things for her just to get a response isn’t what love is about. Don’t expect anything, just do it because you love her. It is the best way to live. I promise. I have lived on both sides of that fence. This side is better.
Done with the soapbox now. Thanks.

The response was very gracious. They are in this with me, trying to make families stronger. We obviously have some slightly different thoughts on the relationship. I believed the 50/50 marriage rules at first, too. I believed that she had to work as hard as I did. But I wasn't. I was busy leading and conquering and peacocking and showing off and chasing butterflies and whatever else I thought was the right thing to do at the time. She was stable and supportive the whole time. She was willing to follow me and trust me. She was doing what she thought was the right thing, too. She was always there for me.... until she wasn't. I had put all the pressure of stabilizing the marriage on her. Then, after my bazzilonth stupid plan didn't work out and we were broke again, she got to carry us financially, too. She had enough. I wouldn't listen because I already knew everything.
Humble yourself and listen to her. Figure out what she needs. Forget 50/50 until it happens out of a mutual desire, not obligation or demands. You may end up carrying 100% of the pressure of saving your family for a while. Push her as far as I did and I know you will. But, be willing to give 100% effort even if she doesn't respond. This works. Not telling you something i read or heard or learned in some school. I had to learn it the hard way. We are living proof that a tragically broken family can be saved. 

Off to conquer the world!

I am no psychologist, but if you are, feel free to chime in and comment on this one.
Even though I'm not, I think I understand a few critical things pretty well. Men. We are fairly simple creatures. Give us a hot meal to eat, a female body to hold and a place to poop and we are set. Jeff Foxworthy said something great. He said his wife was staring at him one night. When he asked why, she said she just wished she could figure out what he wanted. His response was pure male. "I believe I'd like a cold beer and to see something naked." That's us.
We also have something insane inside us. A desire to conquer, to achieve, to leave our mark and win respect and admiration. We are driven. It seems to start when we are little kids. Gotta be first on the swing. Gotta swing higher than the other kid. Gotta get the biggest slice of pizza. Gotta have the coolest bike in the neighborhood, gotta go faster than everyone else. Gotta get the girl everyone else thinks is perfect. Gotta have the highest paying job. Then, gotta rub everyone's nose in it. Yeah.
Right or wrong, it how most of us are. Maybe in different ways, but it's in there. Through reading the marriage advice at BestMarriage.com, I found out how to get it under control. Seriously.
Every man has the strength and ability to take care of one adult woman completely. I believe that. Can't be "the man" to your mom, the girls at work, etc. etc. etc. and still give her your best. She need what is best, not leftover. Not second place to anyone or anything. Those internal cravings, to conquer and succeed, are fully satisfied in your marriage if you will do it right. Pursue her, try to figure out what she wants/needs, find ways to satisfy her, conquer the problems that hold your family back, look for ways to make her happy. Yes it is possible, I can prove it.
The pressure we all claim to be under is usually self induced. I know, I did it, too. When I honestly examined my choices and motives over the last ten years, I saw an insecure guy who had to prove himself to everyone. I had to do better than my family said I could. I had to earn enough to have bigger and better things. I created the pressure by using my life and my family to support the facade I was creating. I dare you to really consider where you are and look at your motives. Are you doing stuff for your family or with them? Are the things you do actually things they want you to do? I spent years developing a business to give to my kids and support my family, and they didn't want it. It had nothing to do with anything that mattered to them. And it had become something that kept dad away, so it was already a negative thing to them. Stupid.
I can't explain the freedom I have now. It is so much easier to impress and support one wife than to challenge the entire world and seek their approval. She likes it, too.
Try it, you will like it.

Mine's bigger than yours

I am going to use my blog to clear something up. One of the businesses I work with is LegalShield. It  is an amazing company representing a nationwide network of the most respected attorneys in the country. Not a scam, not a joke. Several people have talked trash about my business. Saying it's fine for basic stuff, but not for REAL legal issues. Absolutely not true. My lawyer can beat up your lawyer. I would bet on it any day of the week. This is a big law firm that I will gladly put up against any law firm in the country.
My question to families and business owners is this. If you could talk to an attorney about anything, without getting a bill afterwards, would you? Was there ever a time when you really needed an attorney, but just knew you couldn't justify the cost? Ever bought a house or a car? Filled out a will? Signed a lease, cell phone or credit card contract? Ever had someone rip you off? Ever been treated unfairly at work or at a business? Ever been pulled over pr gotten a ticket? This stuff happens everyday. Most people just take it and do nothing about it. I don't. I call my lawyer about anything and everything. Seriously. You don't have to let people bully you. The average attorney charges about $300 per hour. Who would call an attorney over an aggravating neighbor? Who would spend $300 per hour to have someone review a lease agreement? Who would spend that much to dispute a $675 loss from an employer who wouldn't pay them. Would anyone in their right mind call an expensive attorney over a questionable tax bill? I have. I call them at least once a month over any issue that they might be able to help with.
But Erik, that's insane! Why would you hire a lawyer for trivial stuff like that? Because I hate being bullied. I can't stand getting ripped off. And because I only pay $17 a month for virtually unlimited legal counsel that covers me anywhere in the country. Yeah. That's why. They even include a complete family will AT NO EXTRA COST when you join. That's worth about $600 in Florida! No contract. Drop it if you aren't happy with it. Really!
I don't use "Butcher" the shady local guy who runs a pool hall in his office. I don't use "Junior" the kid fresh out of law school either. In Florida, my primary provider is one of the largest and most trusted firms in the state. They have 25 attorneys on call for us full time. They average 19 years of experience each. Really. Don't believe me? Here's their website. LegalShield Florida
Still not convinced? Try this one. LegalShield Videos. It has our national advertising campaign commercials as well as some great videos showing who we are.
And while I am on this soap box, it's a great company to work for. Need a good home based business? Want the best residual income package ever? Want your own business with the lowest startup cost ever? LegalShield is the real deal. I personally made my initial investment back in 30 days. Yep. All profit since then. If you want to know more about our legal services for individuals, families and small businesses... If you have any interest in a work from home opportunity... If your family just needs a will written up... Hit my website and look around. Erik's Amazing Opportunity it just might change your life for the better, it did for me. Email or call if you need to know more.
That's all I've got to say about that.