Sunday, February 24, 2013

Just love her

Just got through another soapbox session. Honestly, not trying to be self righteous or claim to have all the answers. Just know a few things that are absolutely right. Loving your wife whether or not she responds is one.
I just read some great articles on another bloggers site. It was about 25 ways to show your wife you love her. ( check it out ) good stuff. It linked to another article for wives. And it led to another soapbox session.
The article is amazing. If you are a married man, go read it. If you are any man other than a celibate monk, go read it. I had to comment, not really good at keeping my mouth shut.
My commentary was something like this.

I just read the similar articles for husbands, all good stuff. If I can jump on a soapbox for a minute, I would like to add something.
In the grand design of creation, relationship is the foundation. God created us because He is love and wanted someone to love. All throughout the New Testament marriage is compared to salvation. Christ loved us before we loved Him. He gave up everything to do what was best for us.
For a Christian marriage to work the way God designed, it has to be the same. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, His bride. Our wives are designed to respond to what is given to them. Men are designed to give to them. Give them a house, they make a home. Give them your love, they give it back magnified. Even in the physical sense, they give us families.
My point? Every man lives in the marriage he has created. You wife responds to the love, or neglect, or abuse, or whatever by giving it back. Love her first. Do good for her first. Eventually, she will desire to do all these things for you. Doing things for her just to get a response isn’t what love is about. Don’t expect anything, just do it because you love her. It is the best way to live. I promise. I have lived on both sides of that fence. This side is better.

Done with the soapbox now. Thanks.

The response was very gracious. They are in this with me, trying to make families stronger. We obviously have some slightly different thoughts on the relationship. I believed the 50/50 marriage rules at first, too. I believed that she had to work as hard as I did. But I wasn't. I was busy leading and conquering and peacocking and showing off and chasing butterflies and whatever else I thought was the right thing to do at the time. She was stable and supportive the whole time. She was willing to follow me and trust me. She was doing what she thought was the right thing, too. She was always there for me.... until she wasn't. I had put all the pressure of stabilizing the marriage on her. Then, after my bazzilonth stupid plan didn't work out and we were broke again, she got to carry us financially, too. She had enough. I wouldn't listen because I already knew everything.
Humble yourself and listen to her. Figure out what she needs. Forget 50/50 until it happens out of a mutual desire, not obligation or demands. You may end up carrying 100% of the pressure of saving your family for a while. Push her as far as I did and I know you will. But, be willing to give 100% effort even if she doesn't respond. This works. Not telling you something i read or heard or learned in some school. I had to learn it the hard way. We are living proof that a tragically broken family can be saved. 

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