Plan B

Ever heard that? They use it in movies. Everything is falling apart, plans are failing, things are going wrong. Someone says, "go to plan B!" That means we messed something up or someone didn't follow the plan or something interfered with our main plan. So, abandon the original plan and go to the backup. Brilliant.
My problem with this, is that for there to be a plan B, someone had to assume that plan A might not work out. In marriage, plan b would sound like this....
If I don't feel the love....
If they don't respect me....
If I am not happy.....
If this just doesn't work out....
If they ever cheat on me....
I am outta here! I will find someone else. I will just move on a start over.
Happens all the time. The big problem with that is this. We just take our same personality, immaturity, selfishness and unrealistic expectations and throw it all on the next person.
I am not telling those abused and neglected wives to sit back and take it. No way. Do not just allow someone to abuse you and think it's ok. You deserve better than that. I am also not telling those rare men with good hearts and attitudes to sit back while a mean or vengeful wife runs you ragged. However, honestly, it's probably one in a thousand failed marriages that can be blamed on the wife. Men don't usually plan to be bad husbands. We don't plan to become abusive. We don't plan to neglect or berate our wives. But, sometimes we just get so far off track that we become monsters. I did. I honestly thought I was the perfect husband. Even until the moment I found out how sick of me she was, I thought I was doing great. Why? Because I knew how bad her past was. I knew how many losers had been in her life before me. I knew her dad left when she was little. I knew she had abusive step fathers and boyfriends. But, in my mind, I was better than them. So, obviously, I was a good man. Compared to them. But we can't compare ourselves to other people and become who we are supposed to be. We compare ourselves to what we want or need to be and try to obtain that. As Christians, we have to compare ourselves to Christ. Compared to a perfect man like him, I didn't look good at all. Compared to someone who taught love, compassion and absolute self sacrifice for the ones you love.... I was a total jackass. I was the problem. I was the one who damaged the marriage. My wife had done so much more than was even reasonable to maintain that crappy marriage. I need to get her a medal. She was a hero. She held the family together in spite of me. So....
Knowing all that. I had to change. To make plan A come back to life, I had to move. Fortunately, we did save plan A. Pure grace. Not because I suddenly became a perfect guy. But because she gave me time to get my crap together. It took almost three years for her to finally trust me and accept that I was serious. Still not fair. I got three years of hell compared to the 20 years she was drug around behind me and neglected.
So what does plan A look like? Plan A is we make it work. We do whatever it takes to make our family and marriage work. Not kinda work, but thrive. I have to become the man of her dreams if I ever hope to have her become the woman of mine. She has to trust me and believe that I love her more than anyone or anything else. Women don't give themselves wholeheartedly to you unless they believe you are doing the same. They have to trust us. It's our job to step up and become the men they need. So we do it. No matter how they respond or react or love us or don't love us. We just keep doing the right thing and really love them. That's plan A.
Plan B sucks. Once you start considering plan B, you take energy away from plan A. Don't do it. Fantasizing, daydreaming, flirting and cheating are all part of plan B. just stop it. Confucius said that the man who chases two butterflies catches neither. The fact that you consider plan B hints at character flaws that you will just carry into the next relationship. Fix it now. Give plan A all your focus. Seriously. She is worth it.