Monday, April 29, 2013

The art of telling great lies

Yeah, I am gonna go there. I have gotten to spend some time with a young BS artist recently. He says whatever he thinks will get him the results he wants. Like most amateur con men, he's the only one who thinks he is getting away with it. We have all come to the point where we just assume he is lying about everything. Makes it easier to deal with him.
I have had to explain some of this to my kids recently, and to our aspiring politician. I grew up looking for ways to con people. I got really good at it. At 16 years old, I had convinced most of the local liquor stores in my hometown that I was 23. Never showed an ID, just talked a good game. Apparently I also have ogre in my blood, it helps when you can grow a solid mustache at 14. I went merrily along, pretty smug because I thought I was outsmarting everyone all the time. I fudged my way through school like that, too. Mostly. Until it kinda ran out and I gave up. Just walked out and quit high school at 16. Still blows my mind that at 16, I was even allowed to make a choice like that. My smooth talk just took me as far as it could, there were no results. My elaborate tree had no fruit.
There's this classic joke, has to go in here. Sorry about the language.
A turkey and a bull are standing in a pasture, next to a very tall tree. The turkey is sad, the bull asks why. Seems that all the turkey wants out of life, is to be able to fly to the top of that tree, but he can't do it. The bull informs him that his poop has magic powers that will lift him to the top. So, the turkey eats some bull poop and tried it. Goes way higher than ever before, but not high enough. So, the bull says he needs more and whips up a fresh batch. The turkey, uh, gobbles it up. Turns to the tree and flies straight up to the highest branch. He then turns to flap his wings and wave at the bull when a hunter blasts him out of the tree. The moral of the story? Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
I figured out, early on how to mix in enough truth that most people would never be able to pick out the lie. Kinda like mixing a small dog turd into a batch of brownies. Who would really know? Might suspect something wasn't right, but couldn't really pick it out. The other magical thing I learned was how to convince myself first. See. If I believed my own garbage, it was much easier to convince someone else. So, to tell the great lies, I had to manipulate the truth into it to disguise it. Then I went over it in my mind until it wasn't just a possibility, it became real to me. Even I believed it.
It's hard watching people do this when I see the process. Right now, I am watching a very amazing young lady, get suckered in by this for at least the third time. Young guys, who probably have good intentions, have convinced her that they know what love is and that she should give herself to them. Always some guy she has known for a while. Always someone who knows her and enough about her to be trusted. Always someone who talks a good game. They are all going to get shot out of the tree. That BS cannot keep someone "in love" when there's no substance. Telling someone over and over that you loves them doesn't mean crap. Talking big on Facebook and telling the world you love them doesn't mean crap. Making big promises and playing someone's emotions like you have the intention of making their dreams come true.... Again.... Just crap. 
Ladies, may I offer a challenge. (Since I already figured out it's mostly ladies who read this anyway) put on some X-ray glasses and take a look through the poop.  I want you to compare yourself to a newborn baby for a minute. That baby is loved regardless of what it does. The parents have absolutely no benefit from this tiny, stinky wrecking machine than the joy of being part of it's life. The baby pukes on them, they just clean it up. The kid knocks Cheerios into the far reaches of the galaxy, parents clean it up. The kid blows out a diaper on the front walkway of the house, one that almost requires intervention from the EPA..... The parents clean it up. Still love that child. Still happy to hold it an care for it. Probably some sarcastic jokes about the messes, but never enough to consider letting it go. That's a pretty solid example of love. The parents, for the joy of having that child in their world, care for it with no real thought of how it benefits them. Really. The kid has no job, lays around all day, cries for everything, pouts when it doesn't get it's way, eats but never cooks or cleans, makes messes without ever touching a vacuum or washer.... We are still talking about the baby. Not your man. I hope. That's all fair from a baby, not an adult male. 
To the ladies, I say, don't put up with a guy like that, expect more. Don't put out for him either. The liars and mooches will move on to an easier target if the relationship has no benefit for them. To the guys, I say, don't be a jackass. Stop convicting yourself that it's ok to be a toddler. Love your wife without the immaturity of expecting her to respond or for everything to benefit you. 
And. To the single ladies out there. For cryin' out loud, stop letting every amateur con artist have your heart or your body. If they don't see you playing a little defense, they will go for the end zone every time. Don't just hear what they say, watch what they do. Skeptically. Protect yourself a little. Like I said, the best lies involve convincing yourself first. Just because a guy truly believes he is in love, doesn't mean he has any idea what that really is. 
One more time. Visit <a href="">Joel and Kathy</a> and read a little. Join their forums and find out what kind of junk people allow into their lives. See how much work it takes to put yourself back together after you allow some loser free reign to ruin your life. You deserve better. My wife and daughters deserve better than they have had. I am still learning and growing. Not hiding behind the BS anymore. Not waiting to see how any of these relationships benefit me. I love them because I love them. And just for the record, I have ZERO tolerance for any more losers interfering with any of my girls. Yes. That is a legitimate threat. Have a nice day. 

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