So, obviously I am new to the whole blogging concept. Be patient and I think you will find it's worth it. I have been married 23 years to the same amazing woman. We have 4 amazing kids. One was hers from before we met, the other 3 are ours. Ages are 11, 14, 22 and 28. They have probably taught me more than I ever taught them. They have repeatedly pushed me to be a better person. My wife is the same. An amazing lady with a big heart and love of life. Probably the most fun person I ever met. They are all much more than I deserve.
The crazy part is how I started out with every intention of being the perfect husband and father. My wife was the picture of everything I wanted in life. The kids made everything come together and make sense, they gave me purpose. Then, like most guys, lost my mind. Most of us take on careers to support our families, then gradually expect our families to support our career. We begin finding our purpose and meaning and identity in the work we do. I saw my work as me. I saw my accomplishments as my value. I expected my work to solve all our problems and supply all our needs. When it didn't, I got frustrated, my wife got frustrated and my kids got pushed aside. Somehow, my image of me being that great husband and father held on in spite of the obvious failure. I had been comparing myself to all the "losers" in our past. Compared to them, I thought I was a great guy. At least until my repeated failures pushed my attitude over the edge and I became the loser. I became angry and bitter. I blamed everyone for my problems. Anyone who ever hinted that they were going to to anything for me became an enemy if they didn't come through the way I wanted. I was killing myself with ridiculous expectations of how people should treat me and respond to me.
The big problem here is that most of the guys I know have a lot of this in them, too. As married Christian men, we have 2 legitimate covenants in our life... To our God and to our wife. Everyone else is supposed to fall in line behind those. Yep. My family has become my priority again. I am being remade and retrained to be a good guy. Sucks at first. Feel like a dog. Didn't like the process but loving the results. More later.