Pretty random, yet scary title for a blog like this. Huh? I made an offhand comment today that stuck with me. Kinda like someone intelligent had said it and it stuck. Weird.
I talking with a younger guy about why I am writing these, I needed a comparable analogy. I am like a reformed serial killer helping stop other killers. Cue the dramatic music. He thought that was a little intense. Seemed too much to me after I said it. But after stewing on it all day, I don't think so.
A great pastor once told me that every problem in the world is the result of a man not doing what he should have done. Adam in the garden kicked that one off.
Every one from my generation was driven to blame our parents for our problems. If they had been better, we would have been better. Right? Well? But what about them? Doesn't that mean the same logic works for them? How can we blame them if their parents were messed up? Where does it stop? Who ends up with the blame? I think it has to just turn around and be us. I think I am the problem. My family made mistakes. My parents made some bad decisions. Some of that established certain patterns in me to continue making bad decisions. Ok. But when do I get credit for my choices? Do they get credit for my success and failure? Do we get to pick and choose? What if we just put on our big boy pants and decided to accept our failures, apologize for our mistakes, own our situations and let go of things that hold us back?
Kathy Davisson (BestMarriage.com) looked me in the eye in August of 2010 and told me I could just let go of my past. Really. My wife had been telling me that for 20 years. Never heard her. I always felt obligated to carry all that crap until it was resolved. That day, I just let it go. Freedom. No emotional attachment to all the hurt and stupid junk from the past. Just like that. I will get into that more on another post.
My point? I had become an angry, dark, scary person because of all the crap built up in my head. I had become abusive, neglectful, immoral and mean. I had almost chased away my family. I pushed my amazing wife to exhaustion. Pushed her to the breaking point where divorce became the only rational option. I was killing my family and destroying my own life. The great part was how contagious my attitude was. I was contaminating my friends and family with that garbage. Even though no one ended up in the morgue, I was killing the people I loved.
If anyone comes to their senses and understands that they can become a better husband and father through all this, it's worth it. I feel a moral obligation to pass on some encouragement to the dying families out there. There is hope for your family. Talk to your wife. Start dating her again. Start learning all about her again. Learn to love her the way she needs to be loved. Stop the madness. Stop passing your issues on to your kids. They need to see you in love. They need to heal. Go ahead. Start now.